ODE TO BELLE NOTE (ode to the beautiful night)

so this, this hand that wasn't mine, reached down and grabbed my palms and entwined a beautiful sewing of interlocking emotion.
and it was magnificent!
the idea of human feelings and free expression was never underestimated.
but death was.
and that was the final verdict.

DEATH WAS UNDERESTIMATED!!!

Safety And Silence

One more time
i seek you
i leave cuts and bruses in the paths behind me and i only ask for
it to fix the pain from the broken promises that
i seemed to have reaped for...  throughout these past few years
and i ask myself not to pick at the scars on my heart, because then youll just come back
in my mind and then i cant help but to smash my secrets on the wall, just hoping that it will make my life more interesting, and so that i don't have to buy this dishonesty anymore
and im gonna give my sanity away to everyone and there dogs.
and then the flow of my mind will be peaceful.
and ill be
safe and silent

I don't want to say goodbye

It's not about angels, even if we could fly away with them, we would be yanked down to the ground by the chains we placed on ourselves long ago. And we call it unfair, I call it a tragedy that happened because we had to choose between love or fear. They seemed to have been waiting a long time for us to decide, and would it be a bad thing if I decided to stay. Never. Would it be a bad thing for them to make me choose. Always.

#thefaultinourstars (WARNING: SPOILERS(kinda-ish)) but i warned you

!!!!WARNING SPOILERS!!!!!

i went through a hell lot of emotions

i watched
i didn't feel connected
i looked for reasons to cry because crying makes you feel better
crying is addicting guys, and don't deny it either because you know what i mean
and i looked for my next hit
but i couldn't find it, i was able to get a couple of tears out but that's pretty much all that happened within the first hour and a half

but then it happened
i watched
and looked into his eyes and
i felt
broken
and alone

a lonely shard of myself is what i lost tonight
because i had witnessed an unexpected grenade
and i seemed to have been just barely too close, and i lost a shard of my heart

*flashback*

candy a music
weird costumes and friends hidden from each other by a piece of paper
somehow waiting for their guest

in the back seat of a car sat someone who was expecting things to continue on as normal
go to the party
go home
sleep
go to school
see friends
and friends see her

but in the front seat of a different car sat a man who had been poisoned by hell, and became the inescapable fate of the little seven year old girl sitting in the back seat of a car
and fate came with a bang
the next day she died
and the next day, a little eight year old boy was woken up in the middle of his sleep, and told that his best friend had died
and that boy cried for years on end, and listened to enya
and defended his best friends favorite animal till the end of time (cat)
 *******
and now this boy sits here and watches
and watches it all happen all over again

and basically i cried for the rest of the movie, but what my friends didn't know is that after i got home, i started crying again, and it hasn't stopped until right before i wrote this... so yeah, that happened

!!!!!!WARNING SPOILERS!!!!!!!

For basically all of yall to read (with juicy secrets and high school advice for all the youngsters)

ive been thinking about this for a very long time now and since were not in high school anymore discrimination is totally out of the question.
im not saying that you guys discriminate, but im not saying that there wasnt any at all.
high school set this odd standard that you have to have somewhere to belong, like a certain clik or the drama club.. even though our drama club had its own fabulous little clik within itself.
and what im trying to say is that people decided to save their dirty little secrets till the end, kind of like a big bang, a grand finale or some fabulous exit scene with white doves and fireworks

well I guess that even though my big bang is a little delayed and probably will still be seen by those of you who still attend "high school"
it doesn't really matter
those of you who do still go to lone peak
find yourself, not others.
high school is meant to help you experiment with EVERYTHING
not with what the teachers teach, but what you like. including social skills, taking risks, falling stupidly in love just to "experiment" with your emotions. whether it be gay, lesbian, straight or any other feelings that need to be figured out.
let me get this through to you.
I went through high school with the mind set that I was going to test everything to its limits.
that's exactly what everyone should do, mind yourself though, have moral standards.. not religious standards, but find it in yourself to take the responsibility of appropriately giving yourself your own moral contract... im not judging, you do what you do, just do it slow, steady, and learn how to control it.
WARNING: if you takes risks, you become the only one responsible for your actions on anything, just telling you now because that could never ever be stated soon enough.

now that I have become the great reason of procrastination and driving the conversation off course

here is the main reason I posted this blog
guys im telling you exactly what I told on of my religious friend who started preaching to me the other day
I am simply here to tell you a secret... well after this it wont be a secret.. but anyways, im here to tell you a secret, I did not come to you for religious advice

this is a big decision for me, and its really hard for me to say because we live where we live but
simple and sweet
I'm gay

im also very bad at figuring out if someone is flirting with me or not so for all those girls who I might have thought were flirting with me.. im really sorry...but if it makes up any of the difference Ill be happy to be your GBF?
or would that be considered as gay friend zoning..... #themoreyouknow


love you guys

I BROUGHT BACK SOME ORIGINALS (part#3)

before you read saving the individual, read this poem first to fully understand the other
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hearts and wings from inside my dreams

 

Before the blood bacame old, I dreamed about fairy tales. I dreamt of animals with wings, and how I grew jealous of the animals. In my dreams I would become a complete lunatic. I would wake up in the middle of the night furious.

So In my dreams I cut there wings off. And I never felt more calm.
Then one night they came and cut my heart out.
Because their hearts where part of the sky. And I would have cried. But

They cut my heart out.. So what was I to do?

So I kept on walking

 

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saving the destroyed individual

 

I think about when I was with you. You seemed to have become my savior, you know. Because you saved me. That night when you were there when I needed you, and without me thinking about you, I would have ended it. But since I knew about the feelings we had felt and because I had become aware of my emotions, I realized that I had become completely. Warm. Just on the inside, where the blood flows, you know, through that one thing called the.. Heart.

Why do I feel like I have two...I don't know,  probably because I missed having one so much that it's kinda making up for it

But what happened

The realzation that you didn't care about me,

But read back to the time that the animals ripped my heart out, they didn't just rip it out,

The destroyed it

They destroyed any hope of trust and life, and I became a complete lunatic.

I guess I never realized that since my heart was destroyed, I needed to find a new one.

But when did I stoop as low as the animals enough to reach into someone else's mind through there head and tear there heart out, slowly.

How cruel.

How betraying

How selfish.

But why did I care.

That's what I felt, until I stole their heart.

Then I fell down to the floor and hurt my knees, because my sanity came back, and that was the price of love.... Or liking

Liking is pretty expensive also

So this was where we stood, until I felt...nothing...again.

im done.
make it an ending.
so....all there is to do now is...
the end?

I BROUGHT BACK SOME ORIGINALS (part#2)

FEEDING LIONS WITH MY BARE HANDS

I want to run away and start this fire with the matches we bought.
running into the fire with you, our burning flesh cannot be controlled. so let our hearts bleed fire. and wait until the firemen come and put out the flames, by then it will be to late. we will be forced to sleep in coffins.

but it all happens before I wake up. right before the best part.

right before we walk through heaven.

and my mind seems to want to screw with me, flipping the channel to a dream where you were with someone else.


and I'm burning by myself. but this time, my tears wont be seen.